I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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