I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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