I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
