it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
