rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
