So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
