opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
