I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
