You really coming over, don't trick.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
