batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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