the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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