Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
