i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
