dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She's the barista slut.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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