he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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