I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
