I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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