the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
