im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
