there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
