Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
