just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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