well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
