I just made out with a guy for $7.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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