i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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