You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
