Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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