I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
