I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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