I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
