The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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