i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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