i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
