like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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