I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
