I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I need water and some morals
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
