My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I looked at my own cervix.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
