um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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