I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
