why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
