I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My Sexting was not on an AP level
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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