one two three fourrrrnication!
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
