You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Boobs are out for the taking
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
