We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
