WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
