Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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