where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
