I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
