So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
