I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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