so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
